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“We are brought together for purposes wonderful yet seldom readily apparent.”
I don’t know where I heard or read that statement, but boy, does it ring true for me. I’m going to wax philosophically for a while today. I will then invite you to reflect upon the events of your life, intersections that perhaps resulted in lessons learned
I am often in conversation with people, and I have a chance to share my truths. This little phrase has manifested its truth time and time again throughout my adult life. I’ve come to recognize it, even to expect it.
Surely someone scholarly said it, some famous person or author, I thought. I just tried to Google it, and it doesn’t come up, neither it nor parts of it. Nothing was even close, but it was a bell ringer for me.
“We are brought together for purposes wonderful yet seldom readily apparent.”
I thought this statement or observation would make a great foundation for blogs, sermons, or presentations. Although there is seemingly no one to credit here, I will not lay claim. However, this phrase makes me think, and so I will use it.
The phenomenon to which it eludes has manifested for me. It always refers to times when I have had to learn a hard lesson.
I remember years ago standing beside someone I reeeeally did not care for nor did I respect. We were part of a group of (not even or barely) acquaintances while we awaited the arrival of a city bus. A few in our group were expressing great angst about when the bus would arrive and how they would be late for this or that. I was silently in agreement and could feel my anxiety rising, and certainly, as I heard others espousing what I was feeling inside.
Then this fellow, whom I had regarded as—and I am not proud of this—“low intellect, cares-nothing-about-anyone-but-himself street trash,” made Nancy’s world stop turning with his simple comment: “The bus gets here when it gets here, and when it does, we will all get on it.”
Knock me over with a feather! Not only was he right, but he had uttered a truth, and suddenly, we were in alignment (like, how was that possible?). His very apt comment enabled me to calm down.
Immediately, I was humbled and rightsized. That simple statement delivered logic, perhaps life-learning. As soon as I heard him and accepted it as true, I realized the value of this man whom I had truly sold short.
Have you ever learned something from somebody you just can’t stand? Doesn’t that cause you to remember the event and circumstances to the letter and the lesson?
“We are brought together for purposes wonderful yet seldom readily apparent.”
Then there was the time, or many times, actually, that I was in a situation that I absolutely did not wish to be. I was having to go through unpleasantry or a challenge, or was forced to learn something I thought to be ridiculous, and I was not happy about it. What I found out, time and time again it turns out, is that I am given something on the proverbial Tuesday when I need to know on Thursday. In other words, I’m given something and will soon need it.
That phrase, “She doesn’t know a blessing from a curse,” is bleeding in right now.
Invariably, I am grumbling, certainly questioning, “Why, oh why, is this happening to me?” Whatever it was, not long after, I would need it. Over and over again, I would be placed in a situation where I would use that very stuff to get through or to help somebody else.
Looking back, it could have been something as simple as learning to tie my shoe, daunting as that was at first because later, I would be asked to help someone learn to tie theirs. We read about stuff like this all the time: a 12-year-old uses her newly acquired CPR skills to save a life. How wonderful to be prepared (or to have been prepared) to use this skill.
Then I realized there is more to these instances than simply the skills, familiarity with, or know-how—much more. There is a change in perspective to be gained.
Another illustration of this fine truth occurs when I am trying too hard to control or orchestrate an outcome. Let’s say I have planned the perfect trip with accommodations to suit and in a region that I love to travel. When I arrived at the place that I had so built up in my mind, one I had researched and reserved, it was just barely okay. In fact, my time there and accommodations were lackluster, and that word is giving the place too much credit. Disappointed, I carried on with my trip.
What’s that saying, if you want God to laugh, show him your plans?
On the coattails of that and while continuing my travel I had booked a “necessary night” in a place that was a rest stop along the rest of the journey. If you’ve not guessed where I am going with this, let me tell you that everything about that place and time turned out to be nothing short of MAGICAL. That one little stay, that one spectacularly pretty place and evening, and the people I encountered were memorable, much more than “pleasant”. The food was grand, the sun shone, the birds chirped and the price of gas was less, all that. The fellowship was even better – I met an elderly couple that I am still in touch with today, some 12 years later. I could never have arranged for or scheduled all that simply occurred. This serendipity more than suggested that perhaps I can’t plan and effect all my plans.
Purposes wonderful…
I had been given a gift. I got so much more than okay-ness from that time, and my job now is to help this couple. And I WANT to.
Many of you have heard me tell the story of a coincidental meeting of a new friend when I first moved to South Carolina. There was to be a meetup group for newcomers and it was to be held at a café that had a neat little specialty market. I took the action of registering and arriving a bit early. I was having an interesting time stumbling around the halls of the specialty market but unable to find the actual event when something that I did not orchestrate occurred: a hallway encounter. I met my friend Margaret, another newcomer who was from NYC, and who was also trying to locate the Meetup group. Both are new to town, both are trying to find the Meetup, both are close in age, and both are in healthcare…. The word ‘co-incidental’ took on a new meaning.
“We are brought together for purposes wonderful yet seldom readily apparent.”
We came away as friends, and now we “discover” our new town together. We communicate, and I share ideas of things to do, like meeting for dinner or an event. Now, we each feel like we have an all-important buddy in a new city. No way could I have planned that.
This “purposes wonderful and seldom readily apparent” phenomenon kept happening, in fact I realized that it had long been happening! I knew it could not be the only one experiencing this, these gifts, these life-shaping occurrences. I sat down to think about it, how others might go through something only to have any challenge blossom into so much more.
A cancer survivor helps someone navigate their course of care. A big brother sticks up for his little sister. A veteran welcomes a brother or sister-in-arms back from active duty and helps them reintegrate into civilian life. A Patient Advocate uses their knowledge and skills learned in healthcare and systems to help others navigate…Ohhh.
I am supposed to learn in this way. Not only the lesson, the shaping, the new insight; I am to do something with it.
Everything I had gone through with my parents as they aged and passed, all the debacle, tough times, scary times, and all the love and mystery that only arrived later, have been gifts. All the desire to help somebody, anyone, and everybody, to avoid some of the pain and uncertainty my sister and I went through then was the genesis of my becoming a Patient Advocate. I use all that I have now to help the next person. If I don’t have what I need, I may pursue it, and the learning will arrive right on time.
Looking back on your life, have you ever been inserted in a situation where your purpose was to be there or to help someone? Have you ever had someone inserted into your path, someone to help you, or you were to help them?
“We are brought together for purposes wonderful yet seldom readily apparent.”
Think about all that you’ve learned in your life and HOW you learned it. Consider the people you have encountered. Why were you there, or why were they there?
How did you learn something, often right before you needed that information or skill to help another?
It has happened to me so many times that now when enter a challenge, find myself on unfamiliar turf, have stuff to learn thrust upon me or find myself in a “Why is this happening to me?” pity party I know it is coming. This is happening for a reason. I don’t have to know why, or when, or even who or where. My job at that point is to keep my eyes open, and to be ready.
Nowadays, I can endure some unpleasantry. I can learn something new or navigate a challenging situation. I do it to be ready. I do it, and I begin to look for the arrival of a situation or somebody who will need what I just was given.
It’s uncanny, it’s divine, and it can be exciting.
What in the world are we on this earth for if not to take what we know and help others? Am I to stand with my contemporaries at a bus stop and bemoan, or am I supposed to learn from that Slice o’ Life snippet?
“We are brought together for purposes wonderful yet seldom readily apparent.”
I would love to hear about your experiences and your stories. Will you hit me back, message or email me to share your stories?
Take solace in the next time you are going through a difficult crunch or forced to learn or reconcile a difficult situation. Take solace, and take heed.
You and I are being prepared, I believe, and a great purpose and a great opportunity are coming your way.
May there always be a Next.
Nancy
Nancy Ruffner is a patient advocate whose focuses include aging strategy, healthcare navigation, and solo aging. Nancy consults with clients in a triage fashion, offering one-hour consultations to find a path, gain a deeper understanding of “how stuff works” in eldercare, or specifically problem-solve. Schedule your Power Hour now, without obligation of commitment or continuing costs. nancyruffner.com