Photo credit: Joy Wallet
The area where I now reside is often declared as one of America’s “Best Places to Live” or to retire. That has me reading a lot of articles to that effect or it could have me resting on my laurels, but nope, I am too curious. Or jaded.
As a professional who works with seniors and the people that love them you can bet that the topic of housing comes up a lot. It may be medically driven, retirement-driven, things have changed-driven, or I’ve changed-driven. Planning to downsize or to relocate are frequent conversations for me, professionally, since my clients are balancing wants, needs, and the impact of what I call The PIE. The PIE is a 6-pieced assessment of your status, and the pieces (or headings) are named Medical, Legal, Financial, Insurance, Housing, and Support.
I may be a bit of a strange bird in that when I learn of these Best Place to Live awards. I want to see what was studied to make that determination. I find it interesting to know what factors were evaluated and which were not. I also look at who sponsored the study or gave the award because sometimes those angles are important, too.
If a town or city in South Carolina, for instance, has garnered a high ranking, might the study have emanated from something SC-related? (…” sponsored by the Acme Housing Corporation, with locations across the Southeast.” Further study may have us learning how Acme is expanding in that market and there are housing vacancies in them thar hills; Acme wants tenants). Simply become aware of your data and from where it comes.
It seems like a paradox when somebody has captured, formulated, and published decisions based on a place—for people—and not the people in it.
In case you haven’t guessed it by now, I am heading to the importance of making housing decisions based on the individual person. We must evaluate and make these decisions as is best for each of us. When I coach and counsel folks, it is about knowing what the person wants and needs and finding the fit for them. To this patient advocate, the fit is everything, much more important than a pretty or trendy place.
I’m often asked to field questions about or lecture on finding housing. Sometimes, the invitation coming from a host asks that I address the “Should I Stay or Should I Go?” question. That’s usually a way to introduce more education, like the fundamentals of housing types and the differences between Independent Living, Assisted Living, Memory Care, and Skilled Nursing or Long-term Term Care. If you do not yet know all that it is good and foundational information to learn.
Equally important to me (and me on behalf of my clients) is knowing when, ahead of time, those transitions may occur in your world, given your situation.
While requests to speak or educate are all fine, and I’m happy to do it, I prefer to take the conversation in a slightly different direction, one that involves getting in touch with ourselves now and for later. I like the thought and decision-making behind the Stay or Go presentation. I believe that we must begin with individualized Want and Need thinking. That means it is time to look at ourselves and factor in how we think things will go for us. The three big headings for this kind of thinking may be: physically, cognitively, and financially.
Any Shall I Stay or Shall I Go -thinking or conversation should absolutely contain the What I Want and What I Need elements. Let’s be pragmatic.
Ah, the Wants, such delicious thoughts. Here we can embrace some pleasantry, indulgences, and perhaps the dreams live here also. But first, in our pragmatism, let us begin with an initial exercise that I use to employ in my work.
What exactly are my Must-Haves and my Would-Be-Nice’s?
We have a temperature check exercise here to see how we are doing right now. We may also wish to factor in influences like how long those in our genetic family lived or any prevailing diagnoses seen in our lineage and the likelihood of our seeing those in our own future.
For example, Harry has been diagnosed with heart disease. He is aware that it runs in his family. Harry will likely plan heavily according to his medical and lifestyle choices. Larry is the fitness king. He works out at the company fitness center, and his weekends are filled with hiking and other activities. Larry may plan relative to location, financial, and leisure desires. Both are subject to change and so if they are smart, Harry and Larry will also have some contingency baked into their plans.
To project our “now” into the future, there’s a little exercise that I often use. I call it the “5-10-15”. I ask participants to think about themselves at this moment and ask
How am I physically?
How am I cognitively?
How am I financially?
Then, I asked them to picture themselves five or ten years in the future, five or ten years older and changing. Again, ask yourself how I am physically, cognitively, and so on. Lastly, I asked the participants to jump 15 or even 20 years into the future and picture themselves. How might they be physically? Cognitively? Financially? There should be change, and inside that change lie several of your considerations.
There are all kinds of factors and circumstances to consider, and their mix is unique to you. Perhaps you may be poised for retirement, and your activities, commitments, and desires are about to change. You may be aware of things that already impact you physically, cognitively, and financially, and you’re beginning to fashion your lifestyle accordingly. Where you live is a big part of that.
Returning to the thought process involving Must-Haves and Would-Be-Nice’s I suggest that you stay in the present for this segment for your initial thinking. It is easy because you likely have some ideas about what you want and need right now. Having done the 5-10-15 exercise will influence your thinking, especially the Must Have’s, that will encompass the physical, cognitive, and the financial.
Everybody’s different, so everybody makes their own Must-Haves and My Would-Be-Nice list.
Must Haves: Think about living space or the use of it—factors like mobility, finances, and proximity to the other things that you think you will absolutely need, like groceries, hospitals, or a faith community. I suggest you get out a clean sheet and begin a list. Just capture your thinking.
Would-Be-Nices can be more fun, and we get to dream a little. These can be ideal thoughts and ideas. We’re thinking about types of housing, the size of town or city, and fun stuff like leisure activities or a good place for our pet. Create these two lists.
Using processes like these we can further define ourselves. Then, we can read those Best Places to Live articles with better grains of salt.
Once we’ve defined ourselves, we can best find the spot. We can use those Best Place articles or do other research about the things that are important to us. School districts used to be the thing when some were younger and raising children. Now crime rate may be, or tax rates, or weather. A good resource that I have found to research anywhere is a site called citydata.com. There, you can expand your sense of towns and cities across the US. You may even choose to use it to plan a trip, as it holds detailed information on museums, attractions, medical services, transportation, and much more. There is even a city comparison tool when you are getting down to the nitty-gritty.
“Skinning the list,” as they say, is not always just about the municipality, either. Perhaps you already know that you need a certain level of care, specialty housing such as assisted living. Then the tables turn a bit and you are looking more at the quality of the housing in a desired area. In some instances, the area doesn’t matter at all if you are looking for specific care. Other times, it may be that you’re looking for assisted living in close proximity to a loved one.
Everyone has a different “lead domino.”
All these self-evaluations turn the tables on a Best Place to Live article being the “be-all and end-all.” Articles can be a starting point or trigger, but so may your medical status or your pocketbook. Everyone has a different lead domino”
I believe the answers are found in our own specific situations and I’m pretty good at helping folks to discover and determine their own Best Place to Live.
I’ve been at this personally and professionally for quite some time now. I have held countless conversations with folks to provide information, provoke thought or validity, teach them how to research their thinking or be a soundboard as they make their decisions.
What are your Must-Haves and my Would-Be-Nice’s? Create your lists.
I will be in your corner if I can help you or someone you encounter with this or any patient advocacy-type decision.
Nancy Ruffner is a patient advocate whose focuses include aging strategy, healthcare navigation, and solo aging. Nancy consults with clients in a triage fashion, offering one-hour consultations to find a path, gain a deeper understanding of “how stuff works” in eldercare, or specifically problem-solve. Schedule your Power Hour now, without obligation of commitment or continuing costs. nancyruffner.com